I was going to comment on how glad I am to not be a sickeningly 100% happy person. I always think that people who are too happy are missing out somehow; disregarding things in themselves, ignoring life tugging at their sleeves in their excitement at rushing ahead... yep, I was going to make a good case for moodiness.
But I've been distracted-- there's a particularly heavy freight train coming through Oneonta right now. I can tell it's extra heavy because the house is moving more than usual; my chair is shaking, the plants are swaying. If I were in CA, I'd be wondering how long to wait before heading under the table to avoid falling objects.
(Which prompts me to comment on the strange fact that, until last year [when I was in CA and we had a 5.6], the strongest earthquakes I'd ever experienced were in Oneonta; one in 1983, and one in 2002 [both were 5.1] - but none of which were at all startling to me, cause it's such a familiar rhythm; I grew up being rocked to sleep by freight trains. )
7/27/08
I miss T-Max.
Tomorrow, when I have a faster connection, I will post my favorite photo of her. I miss her so much.
never again. ever.
I was just going through some of Rob's old VHS tapes, and I found one mysteriously labeled '02.26.02'.
So I watched it.
It turned out to be a video letter I sent to Rob at that time; 8 months after moving back to Oneonta.
Based on how this new evidence supports my memory of that event, I have now officially labeled 2001 the worst year (to date) of my entire life. By 'worst', I mean: unbearably painful, emotionally damaging, and just generally horrible on a daily basis. Add to that the fact that my income that year was $11,000.
Yep, in the immortal words of Joel, "It sucked shit through a straw."
So I watched it.
It turned out to be a video letter I sent to Rob at that time; 8 months after moving back to Oneonta.
Based on how this new evidence supports my memory of that event, I have now officially labeled 2001 the worst year (to date) of my entire life. By 'worst', I mean: unbearably painful, emotionally damaging, and just generally horrible on a daily basis. Add to that the fact that my income that year was $11,000.
Yep, in the immortal words of Joel, "It sucked shit through a straw."
7/25/08
my blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold....
OK, I was in a really shitty mood when I wrote 'Jobs'. Sorry.
So, last night when I was leaving work, that J. Giles band song - Centerfold - came on the radio.
That was the first radio song I ever paid attention to. I would have been...10 or 11... when did it come out? 1982. 11, then. I was in that phase where I was spending tons of time in the basement, cleaning stuff; washing things by hand and hanging them over the hot water pipes to dry. (You know, like how most 11-year-olds spend their time.) And while I washed and cleaned, I listened to the radio, which was something I'd never done before.
And I remember that song; I remember particularly noticing the second time I heard it. Not the first; then it was just one of a run of songs I didn't know. But the second time, I thought - wow, I know this song! And I sang along, and felt like I was being given the key to a secret club. A secret club of people who were in the know. It was cool.
So, last night when I was leaving work, that J. Giles band song - Centerfold - came on the radio.
That was the first radio song I ever paid attention to. I would have been...10 or 11... when did it come out? 1982. 11, then. I was in that phase where I was spending tons of time in the basement, cleaning stuff; washing things by hand and hanging them over the hot water pipes to dry. (You know, like how most 11-year-olds spend their time.) And while I washed and cleaned, I listened to the radio, which was something I'd never done before.
And I remember that song; I remember particularly noticing the second time I heard it. Not the first; then it was just one of a run of songs I didn't know. But the second time, I thought - wow, I know this song! And I sang along, and felt like I was being given the key to a secret club. A secret club of people who were in the know. It was cool.
7/23/08
Jobs
If I can just
force
myself
into this shape
one more time
one more day
there is no other choice
Adulthood means
bills to be paid
insurance premiums
No space to breathe, move, stretch
to let it happen
because the rent is due
Our society
works
on five days six days forty hours
away from life, home, children
Self
forced to fit
a rhythm so unnatural
I don’t see how
I could ever be
working happy
force
myself
into this shape
one more time
one more day
there is no other choice
Adulthood means
bills to be paid
insurance premiums
No space to breathe, move, stretch
to let it happen
because the rent is due
Our society
works
on five days six days forty hours
away from life, home, children
Self
forced to fit
a rhythm so unnatural
I don’t see how
I could ever be
working happy
7/21/08
I couldn't'a put it better myself
There are faces, there are smiles, so many teeth, too many arms and legs and eyes and flashing buttons all around me
I'm a-watching, I'm a-breathing, I'm a-pushing, I'm a-wishing
That these walls would not be talking quite so loudly
I have lost it once before I've pulled myself up from the floor
And I am looking for a reason to stay standing
But sometimes it's just too much or not enough or something else
It's so much bigger than my head, it's too demanding
Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to go slow
And sometimes if you wanna hold on you got to let go
I'm gonna close my eyes
And count to ten
I'm gonna close my eyes
And when I open them again
Everything will make sense to me then
(from Count to Ten - Tina Dico)
I'm a-watching, I'm a-breathing, I'm a-pushing, I'm a-wishing
That these walls would not be talking quite so loudly
I have lost it once before I've pulled myself up from the floor
And I am looking for a reason to stay standing
But sometimes it's just too much or not enough or something else
It's so much bigger than my head, it's too demanding
Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to go slow
And sometimes if you wanna hold on you got to let go
I'm gonna close my eyes
And count to ten
I'm gonna close my eyes
And when I open them again
Everything will make sense to me then
(from Count to Ten - Tina Dico)
7/15/08
procrastination
Procrastination is not about wasting time. No, procrastination is about being busy. It's about being incredibly busy doing something that you would never have bothered to do if there weren't something else that you are trying to find an excuse not to do.
In my case, today's procrastination involved going through the entire list of contacts in my cell phone, detailing on each of the numbers, and taking out the extraneous 1- preceding each area code.
This was very important to do, because now I can look at each contact and see the full phone number, including area code. I used to be able to only see the last 7 digits of the number, because the extra 1- in there made the number too long to display all at once.
Now that this crucial project is complete, I will proceed to email my cousin about animatronic dolls.
In my case, today's procrastination involved going through the entire list of contacts in my cell phone, detailing on each of the numbers, and taking out the extraneous 1- preceding each area code.
This was very important to do, because now I can look at each contact and see the full phone number, including area code. I used to be able to only see the last 7 digits of the number, because the extra 1- in there made the number too long to display all at once.
Now that this crucial project is complete, I will proceed to email my cousin about animatronic dolls.
7/11/08
po-stiiing
I have been very not-postingish lately.
There have been times that I've thought of things I wanted to write about, but I was usually in the car.
I did, however, want to comment on the sad lack of financial-planning education in our public schools. It's an issue that came to my attention a number of years ago, when I was working at the Catskill Regional Teacher Center. There was a group trying to get some grant funds to start a program locally... I remember applauding their efforts, and simultaneously wishing that they weren't needed.
Somebody higher up should see that it's in our country's best interest to teach kids how to save, how to balance a checking account, how to invest money, how to keep credit card bills low, how to contribute to retirement accounts, etc.
For example, most of the students I interact with have absolutely no idea how to write or endorse a check. Seems very odd that it should fall to me to teach them. They've read Shakespeare, they've written research papers, they've studied world history and economics, they've learned foreign languages and mastered musical instruments. -And then they had someone open a bank account for them, and they're wandering around with ATM cards and checkbooks, completely at a loss as to what to do with them.
The more I think about it, the more it seems like some huge governmental conspiracy to keep the rich kids on top (cause their families will pass down the required financial knowledge), and the kids from poor families clueless and left behind.
Or maybe that's too cynical of me.
There have been times that I've thought of things I wanted to write about, but I was usually in the car.
I did, however, want to comment on the sad lack of financial-planning education in our public schools. It's an issue that came to my attention a number of years ago, when I was working at the Catskill Regional Teacher Center. There was a group trying to get some grant funds to start a program locally... I remember applauding their efforts, and simultaneously wishing that they weren't needed.
Somebody higher up should see that it's in our country's best interest to teach kids how to save, how to balance a checking account, how to invest money, how to keep credit card bills low, how to contribute to retirement accounts, etc.
For example, most of the students I interact with have absolutely no idea how to write or endorse a check. Seems very odd that it should fall to me to teach them. They've read Shakespeare, they've written research papers, they've studied world history and economics, they've learned foreign languages and mastered musical instruments. -And then they had someone open a bank account for them, and they're wandering around with ATM cards and checkbooks, completely at a loss as to what to do with them.
The more I think about it, the more it seems like some huge governmental conspiracy to keep the rich kids on top (cause their families will pass down the required financial knowledge), and the kids from poor families clueless and left behind.
Or maybe that's too cynical of me.
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