on prayers and deadlines

Dear Life,

I have been a member of your organization for 35 years and 10 months. I have attended every meeting, and have always taken diligent notes. I have tried to vote positively on almost every issue, and have encouraged others to do the same.

My concern, however, is that in spite of all my efforts to be an upstanding member and representative of your organization, I still feel largely in-the-dark about the purpose of this group. I don't quite understand its goals, or my role, as a member, in ensuring the achievement of these goals. I would also like some information about my responsibilities, and the level of my own importance, as a member, and some direction on how to get the most out of my membership. Also, please tell me whether my dues are likely to increase if I become more involved in your organization, and if I allow myself to make more regular use of the Member Benefits.

I would be grateful for any assistance you can give me in these matters, and would appreciate a prompt response, as time is short. I have enclosed a self-addressed, stamped envelope for your convenience.

Sincerely,
Kate

the fourth dimension

I was just trying to upload a photo to the internet, and got a warning notice, "Uploading photos that are more than 1,000 KB may take several moments."

And I'm now wondering (while still waiting, 5 minutes later) of what use is their notice, really? Let's think about this... what exactly are they telling me? -That uploading my photo could possibly, but not certainly, take more than two, but less than eight, unspecified amounts of time. ...And what I'd really like to know is, how does one determine that one has finished with the first unspecified period of time, and is on to the next?

They might better have said, "Uploading photos of more than 1,000 KB will take so frickin' long that your mind will begin to contort; you will look up word definitions, and end up writing a blog entry. Afterwards, you will check back on the uploading process, see that nothing has changed, give up, and vow never to use our services again."

new englanders- a brilliant summation! :-)

From Jane Langton's Murder at the Gardner.

"...the rest were Anglo-Saxon Yankees with narrow faces that betrayed their inner convictions. Recognizing the tragic nature of earthly existence, they worked hard against the night that was coming, smiled with all their might, and saved leftover pieces of string."

manufacturing mystery

The question that has not let my mind rest this afternoon: Why, oh why, are there eight Sixlets to a pack?

I desperately needed to know, so I googled it. Only one website addresses this question, and their answer: "...it's rumored that Sixlets are so-named because they used to be sold in packets of 6." (that's a paraphrase, actually, not a quote, but I put it in quotes cause it looks better that way in my sentence.)

So my next question: why the heck would any company completely re-vamp its packaging scheme for a popular, historic candy, so that the name no longer matches the product? Is it some grand Republican conspiracy to finally rid the country of its lower class (those forced by financial restrictions to buy candy labeled "chocolate-flavored") by driving them completely insane? Factory workers, their minds gone wild with the illogic of it all, pulling their hair out in squalid breakrooms, eyes rolling, shouting "SIX? EIGHT? SIX? EIGHT?" in an agony of bewilderment, all their trust in the inherent order of the universe lost forever....

I think next time I'll buy a Snickers.

note to prospective employers:

Interview question that makes me not want to work for you:

"Katherine, can you tell us what is your greatest single accomplishment in life?"

the divinity of auto repair

I was talking with my dad the other night about religion.

I've pretty much decided that the key to the whole thing is in alignment. Being in alignment with the Universe, with God, with your higher self. About approaching everyone and everything with love; not in a mushy, selfish way, but an objective, courageous way. About learning how to read the signs the universe sends you, about living the Truth of each particular moment, about being adaptable and acceptant when that truth changes. About being in tune and in harmony, all the time. Or trying to be, anyway.

Seems like most religions and cultures have the same idea. (Though, in my opinion, many religious groups have largely forgotten these more holistic, spiritual roots and are still getting their feet tangled in humanly-constructed rules and regulations. ...But it’s hard _not_ to screw it up, especially when language is involved. What an inefficient medium for spiritual expression!)

Of course, most days I fail miserably at this ‘alignment’ objective. Seems impossible not to, as a human being, because we’re all insecure and fearful, and often moreso the older we get [and the more we're exposed to Republican-run governments, but that's for another discussion ;-)] It’s hard to be still enough and brave enough, internally, to be able to live in Truth. But it seems to me that one's got to at least strive for it. Don't you think?

and speakinamilk....

Ok, I'm wondering if I'm the only person who's noticed this (can't be).

If you heat milk (or maybe it works cold too; I'll check later) and pour it into a mug, and then stir it, the timbre of the sound that the spoon makes against the side of the mug changes. The more you stir, the deeper it sounds.

This doesn't work with tea, or coffee, or cider, or any other type of beverage one might be tempted to put into a mug.

Whazzup with that?!

will wonders never cease

I found this online this morning:
The Popularity Dialer:
Want to flee that meeting? Get out of lunch after an hour?
Popularity Dialer can place one of five fake calls: the boss call, the cousin-in-need call, the male-friend call, the female-friend call, or the affirmation call (reminding you that you’re wonderful). Each recording includes convenient pauses for your side of the conversation.
http://www.popularitydialer.com/.

My favorite part? The special mention of the convenient pauses. Apparently a big selling point. Puts them a step above the competition!

spamspamsausage&spam

This is both the most absurdly-worded, and the (ouch!) least convincing, sex-enhancement-product email I've gotten yet:

"Penis Patch will not only make your day but also the whole night!"

the reverse-fold path

Trying not to make mistakes is a huge mistake.

fashionable discrimination

bootstraps, coattails, lapels... I have arrived at the conclusion that men have an unfair advantage over women, when it comes to getting their shit together. "She pulled herself up by her lacy padded bra...." just doesn't pack quite the same punch.

quote of the week #3

"I see the necessity of departure; and it is like looking on the necessity of death."

quote of the week #2

"Pity!" he said, and sighed and paused. "It is always the way of events in this life," he continued presently: "no sooner have you got settled in a pleasant resting-place, than a voice calls out to you to rise and move on, for the hour of repose is expired."

quote of the week #1

"Because," he said, "I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you -- especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous Channel, and two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly."

upstate ny

There are different levels of cold in Oneonta; this is how I think of them:
1) first-period gym wet sneakers frosty grass in the shade melting in the sun (September)
2) wood smoke and dry fallen leaves (October)
3) slate-grey-dead/runny nose (November)
4) fresh wet stone dog kiss snow (December)
5) nose-hair-freezing (January)
6) screechy styrofoam snow eek it makes me grit my teeth (February)
7) put on shorts and go to Wilber Park; sit in the warm sun in the corner of the singles-tennis-wall (even though there's still snow on the ground), and pretend it's summer (March)
8) rainy-sunny you can smell the earth again hint of daffodils; cold fingers that smell salty like an old jacket, when you spend the day outside (April)
9) maple buds-smell in the rain run-around-without-a-sweater cool skin (May)
10) warm pavement windy first barbecue; hamburgers! (June)

society

I just received notice of a mandatory office training meeting.

As a result, my Outlook calendar now shows that I have scheduled a session of Sexual Harassment for March 29th at 2pm.

today

this post
clear as toast

as calm and clear as graham crackers in the moonlight

racy-red as a green grape dipped in chocolate

in-out put about

let
me
go!