the plastic proliferation of piety

Last year, my friend Janice and I discovered, in a grocery store gumball machine, the Homies Trailer Park figurines. Instantly enchanted by them (who could resist names like "Doo-Doo Dan" and "Kegger Ken" and "Catfish Clem"?!), we went on an insane quarter-spending frenzy, trying to get as many of the collection as we could. We spent all the quarters we had, then went through the checkout to change more bills and found that the cashier, too, had been infected with the Trailer Parker virus; we discussed with her which characters we'd gotten, which ones we wanted. We giggled and put more quarters into the machine. We were having a total blast!

We went back the next day with entire rolls of quarters to buy more! I kept getting 'Doo-Doo Dan'; we both did. We agreed to have a trading session the next day to even out our collections. Over lunch at the restaurant, we did the big trade. We spread our figurines all over the table, and haggled good-naturedly over which ones we were willing to give up. Her husband Mark looked on tolerantly, and tried to find enough elbow room to eat his sandwich.

It was SUCH a good time!!

Then last week, I got a letter in the mail from Janice. It contained a color printout of the Homies newest series: the Santos! I stared in rapture at the photo of the Santos; it was too good to be true! El Santo Nino de Atocha! La Virgen de Guadalupe! San Francisco! Maria Inmaculada!

When I got to New Jersey this weekend, we hightailed it to the market where she had found the Santos.

I put 50 cents in the machine, turned the knob, and pulled out the plastic globe containing my saint. Breathlessly, I opened it, and Janice craned her head over my shoulder to see which one I'd gotten.
San Juan Diego!

Then Janice put in 50 cents... San Antonio!
I put in 50 cents... San Juan Diego.
Janice got San Francisco!
I got... San Juan Diego.
Janice plopped in two more quarters. Papa Juan Pablo!
I got San Juan Diego.
Janice got San Antonio again.
The next time I turned the handle... nothing! Wah!
Janice, being the good friend that she is, generously gave me her duplicate San Antonio. I was very happy!
Then Janice got El Santo Nino!
And I got San Juan Diego.

By this time, I was beginning to feel that God was playing a mighty trick on me. We went into the store to shop.

Coming out, we did another round at the saint machine. This time Janice started. She got... someone, I forget who.

Then I got El Santo Nino!
She got the Virgen of Guadalupe.
I got El Santo Nino.
She got the angel.
I got... San Juan Diego.
She got another pope.
I got nothing! Again!
I tried again... El Santo Nino.
She got Jesus.
My turn... San Juan Diego.

7 Diegos and 3 Ninos! I was starting to feel like I was attending a football game at a local high school: Diegos ahead in the third quarter! Would the Ninos have a chance to pull ahead?

No, they wouldn't. We left.

But boy it was so much fun!!! And if anyone wants a San Juan Diego, let me know. I have plenty.