PMS

I just cried over a generic thank you e-card from the American Red Cross.

-It was so *sniff* beautiful! And the little CG leaves fell off the tree, reminding us of the enduring cycle of life, and it talked about *sniff* how all our donations helped all the families facing disasters this year, and isn't it wonderful how we all help each other, and we're all in this together and....

Hormonal imbalance is really frickin' annoying.

lunchtime revelation [from the DraftVault 04/27/07]

Ineffective reassurance:
Me: "...so, does that make me a bad person?"
Person: "oh, no, of _course_ not; you're not a bad person at all!"

Effective reassurance:
Me: "...so, does that make me a bad person?"
Joel (smiling): "No, Kate, not that. It's all the _other_ stuff about you that makes you a bad person!"

hmm.... [from the DraftVault 07/30/08] ha ha ha

I was talking with Janice on the phone last night and she commented

sports [from the DraftVault - 08/18/08]

I think it's weird that there's this whole thing out there that takes up tons of peoples' time and attention and money, and that I don't follow it. My family doesn't follow it. My friends don't follow it. There is nothing in my daily life to remind me that sports are even out there and people are playing them except for when I see occasional blurbs in online news, and when I talk with my cousin Jamie.

I mean, right now there's this incredibly popular thing going on called the Olympics. I know something about its history, I know that people made a big stink about it being in China this year, and that's about it. I don't watch it, I don't know who's won what. I don't even really know what sports they compete in. I found out yesterday, for example, that there's a division of (it seemed to be) beach volleyball. ??!!??!! Bizarre. People actually compete for gold medals in beach volleyball?

And then there's the Super Bowl which is football. At least, I think it is. That's what someone told me in college, anyway. I remember the moment: I was in Runyan Center and someone said "Oh, they're watching the Super Bowl." And I said, "Which sport is that?" And he said, "Football."

I was really happy to finally have it nailed down.

And I've triumphantly referenced that memory ever since, every time someone says "Super Bowl." For a minute, I can't think which sport it is, and then I think - but no! I have that Runyan memory! What did that person tell me?... Football! It's football! Yay!

Though I don't know why the word "bowl" is in there when it's not about bowling.

And then there's the World Series, which is only baseball teams from the US. At least, I think that's how it goes. It's all very misleading.

Oh, I just remembered! I actually watched some of the Super Bowl last year. This year. Whenever it was. I spent the whole time being fascinated by the fake line they put on the field that isn't really there. That was cool.

I do try, I really do. When people tell me stuff about sports, I think it's interesting, and I try to remember it. I even can remember it... for a few hours. But then it goes away again - it's like I've got a mental block. I have a sports-related learning disability.

It's sad.

O-bam-a! [from the DraftVault]

Well, we did it! I still get all good-feely inside when I think about it, and hopeful about the future in a way that I haven't felt for years.

And I've been watching the wave of almost-religious (or, hell, just plain religious) fervor that's been sweeping the country - the world, in fact - as a result of the results of this election - and I have to admit that as wonderful and literally awe-some it is (on the one hand) to see this kind of reaction, and the positive momentum that has built, I kinda have mixed feelings about it. It scares me a little, in the way that any kind of idolatry scares me, religious or otherwise, because it's inherently false, or misplaced [from the Greek eidolon - an image, phantom, apparition] - the object of devotion cannot but fail to completely live up to expectation - and as such, it can so easily go awry - it can so easily turn negative, or even violent.

And I don't even mean non-Obama-supporters against the rest of us, or even against Obama - I mean Obama supporters against each other... I catch a whiff here and there of suspicion - am I as true an Obama-believer as the next Obama fan? Do I have real Faith, or did I just go and vote... hmm....

It's a paradox, really - my friend Kristen and I were talking about it the other night - that in order for a public figure to move the masses, he/she has to inspire. And to inspire, she/he has to [by definition] be inspirational - to reach the deepest depths of our human emotion, and get us going. And the minute the deepest depths of our human passions are reached... well, goodbye rational thinking; hello weird fanatic maniacs. It's the history of Christianity all over again. But that's the thing -you can't have the one without the other. Any figure who inspires - Jesus, Gandhi, MLK, hell, even Lennon - also inspires irrationality and insanity in some percentage of the population -the people who can't take the spiritual heat, and react in fear, or over-zealousness. The people who miss the point, and confuse the man with the message.

Maybe. My hope is that most of us can stay sane and balanced, while still pouring forth all the hope and positive energy that's been bottled up in us during 8 long winter years. And not towards a man (albeit a great man), but towards the dream of a better America.

Hmm... (she goes off on a slight tangent) - this suddenly seems like a Narnia moment - the White Witch only has a few more days to rule; soon those of us turned to stone will roar again, and the trees will dance and rejoice - the battle is won!

(after we deal with that nagging economic crisis)

despair

In addition to the conversations I have with parents that I was complaining about on my Facebook page ["If you have 9 oranges and I take away 4, what do you have left?"] - I also get to have conversations like this one all day:

Me: Hi, this is Kate, can I help you?
Alumna: Hi - I'm calling with some questions about my loan... [questions]
Me: I can check on that for you, but it may take a few minutes - can I call you right back?
A: Sure.
Me: What's your number?
A: 555-70-20..
Me: [interrupting] ...Wait, is this your Social Security number?
A: No
Me: [confused] This is a phone number?
A: Yes
Me: OK - so 555-70-...
A: 555-70-2053.
Me: [still confused] 555-70-2053?!
A: Yes
Me: There're not enough numbers there. You said '555-70-2053'?!
A: Yes
Me: Listen, there aren't enough numbers. The area code is 555, then you have 70... there have to be 3 numbers there - what's the other number?
A: Oh! 8. 555-870-2053.

Holy [as Joel would say] Holy flaming shitballs!

Friday

I keep starting posts and then not posting them. My post list is full of 'drafts' - I suppose I lack the motivation (or interest) to finish my thoughts.

...or maybe the focus. Yeah, I'm thinking focus seriously lacking lately.

I'm going to publish this just to spite myself.

Sunday am

Me: [looking through local newspaper] Oh my god, here's a photo of my third grade teacher! She looks exactly the same as she did in 1979 !
Joel: [glancing over] She looks exactly the same? Vampire!
Me: Yeah, I'll show you. I've got my third grade class picture in that album on the shelf over there... [hunting].... Here it is! ...But wait, she's not in it! What the hell?! Why isn't she in the photo?
Joel: Vampire!

walking home with Joel thru throngs of college students

Joel: Honey, how come we don't go out and get drunk like all these cool people?
Me: I dunno.
Joel: Are we destined to be un-cool for the rest of our lives?
Me: Mm-hmm.
Joel: Damn. I'm depressed.

time crunch

5:15 - left work; walked down the hill to the car with Regina; drove home; checked the mail, grabbed a book to read at the polls; switched cars and drove to vote; had to stand in two lines cause I didn't know my ward number; voted; walked back to the car; tried to call Erin; decided to do some grocery shopping-drove towards Hannaford; at Hannaford, decided instead to get window cleaner; drove towards Wal-Mart; decided to pass Wal-Mart and drive out to Pine Lake instead; got to the lake; parked and walked down the road in the dark to the edge of the water; stood in the darkness and listened to the lake sounds; thought about the world, the election, friends, people I love, the future; stood for a long time listening to the fish flip out of the water and various animal rustlings; watched the clouds over the moon; watched the fog rise over the water; finally walked back to the car; drove back into town; parked at home; turned on the computer and checked email, Facebook and wrote a blog entry.
6:50 - left the house to drive to Mike's to watch the election.