healthy kids, healthy lawns

I just saw a TV commercial that concerned me greatly. Bayer, the trusted aspirin manufacturer, is now advertising their newest product: 24-hour Grub Killer Plus! I had to shut my eyes for a minute and look again. Yes, folks, it’s true! The Bayer graphic design team has produced a brightly-colored box for their delightful Grub Killer, complete with a prominent display of the Bayer aspirin logo to help create favorable associations in the mind of the viewer, and to ensure the continuation of our brand loyalty.

I regret to inform the Bayer graphic design team that their plan has been unsuccessful.

And I sincerely hope that the two products are not manufactured in the same facility. If factories cannot keep nut debris out of non-nut food products, to the end that they have to post warnings on their packaging alerting those with allergies that the deceptively innocent-looking canned pineapple they’re about to bite into may contain enough traces of peanut to send them into anaphylactic shock… I shudder to think about the possible cross-pollination scenario with these two products. So the next time you buy aspirin, make sure you read the fine print on the box. If there is any mention of grubs, or fire ants, or anything even remotely related to garden care, don’t think twice. Switch to Advil.